Jesus Christ Supermarket

I havent made one of these in a while. That may be because I havent been melancholic in a while. Im glad. Im not really sure of the cause of this mood, well I am but Im not sure why its causing it. Its the same as the last time. I tried to get rid of it but I cant shake it. Oh well……

I thought I’d post this here since i can’t post it on Facebook. I sat my Irish oral today. I dont want to blow my own trumpet but I’m good at speaking Irish! Really good! Did I show that in my oral? NO! Because the bitch kept interrupting me! Every Time i was about to throw in some complex Irish or something interesting, she changed topic and asked me some stupid little ordinary question. I’m better than that! I feel robbed! Whatever mark she gives me will not be a fair representation of my ability in Irish. I’m one of the best speakers in my whole year! I’m just really pissed off…..

I gave up facebook for lent yesterday. So far it has proved to be quite difficult. Today i was really angry and irritable. I dont know if its because of lack of facebook. Its not the not being on facebook thats hard but the feeling that im missing out on things going on and that i will keep missing out. I feel unconnected and alone in the world. My life seems quite pathetic now that i dont really have anything to do. More tomorrow!

I feel incredibly sick right now. Im gonna put it down to lack of sleep and too much to eat but thats neither here nor there. My life is a mess right now….I think. Im just gonna be a bit vague for a second - You know when you look through your window to the sea and you see a million sad faces staring back at you? Tomato. I feel like a beatnik right now. A filthy lazy beatnik, scrounging off society, stealing our beats, wasting our words, peeing in our pools. If there is one thing I hate in this world its beatniks. I mean, what on earth are they? Are they art? I dont know. Maybe they are God’s or (insert Deity here)’s way of making us realise that if we dont work hard we may become one of them and also that berets are for the french. I dont mind the french, I quite like them, they have a beautiful language. But beatniks they are like people who are trying to be french. Whats the story with french Beatniks then? This is just ridiculous. Im not being racist or discriminatory but I really dont understand what these people do and why they have bongos. Thank god they are a dying breed. So whats on your mind?

I have no illusions about who I am. I am not the coolest, smartest, most talented, best looking or even nicest person. I am in no way perfect. I am rather timid, and I can be a little tactless. I can also be a little selfish which is rather evident in my use of the pronoun ”I.” I know who I am. I am me. There is no one the same as me. I realize there are many very similar to myself, in the way they think, act, talk or interact with others but there is no one the same. I am proud of that. I know who I am. I am me.

I have no problem with people telling me who I am. They are welcome to. I will heed their criticisms hidden behind witticisms, in an attempt to make myself a better person all round. Then my better nature tells me to leave well enough alone. I know who I am. I am me. I am not me if I change me to be more appealing to the multitude. That would be genericising myself to fall in with the masses. I will, as a person, like all other persons, evolve naturally and unconsciously in personality. Its natural, because I know who I am. I am me.

I hope I have not confused you, my many adoring readers and fans, but as I have above stated, I have no problems with people telling me who I am, I don’t mind at all. I know who I am. I am me. What I do have a problem with, and its no small problem by any means, is with people telling me why I am me. Why I act like I do, think like I do, dream like I do. I do these things the way I do because I am me, not because I was treated a certain way as a child, or because I live in a certain society.

I do not like to be analysed, I don’t see the need for analysis of my personage. I am not one to use clichés but one comes to mind in this instance, “People should accept me for who I am.” I realize that by saying this I sound like a 12 year old girl but the sentiment stands. I know who I am. I am me. Nothing makes me more angry than someone telling me why I do something. I don’t care if they say it behind my back. They can say what they want behind my back, because, well its behind my back. I realize that I am digressing so I will endeavour to recover my train of thought.

I don’t subscribe to any Freudian theories, nor do I believe in and similar behavioural psychology which attempts to generalise ones behaviour into groups of thinking, effectively branding people. I don’t know much about psychology or other disciplines pertaining to the thought process of an individual, group, or general populace. What I do know is that I do not desire to ever be a subject of these practices. This is because I know who I am. I am me.

For those who undertake the reading of this passage, It was not inspired by any event in life, just a meandering of the thought process. You are free to analyse, it is in your nature, I will not ask you to deny that urge. What I ask of you is that you refrain from informing me of the results of your analysis of my mind. Tell me if you like it or not by all means but I don’t need to hear any more because,

I know who I am. I am me.

The LC doesnt really worry me as much as it worries other people. Im a ok with it. Its just the stress i dont like, all the things going through your head at once. And its fueled by the it constantly being brought to your attention. So my wish is that for just one week no one would mention the two words in the title or anything to do with them.

Chloe,

Rhymes with Doughy,

We were out when it was snowy.

Hair like Einstein,

Joe plays a Bechstein.

Betrothed to Seán,

She is made a pawn.

I loved her all along,

Maybe I was wrong.

I gave her my love,

She gave me the shove.

Chloe

I just read my own blog. I just realised that its depressing as fuck! Im going to be much more chipper from now on.